I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
