If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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