One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my shit smells like andre
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
