the condom got lost in my hair
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
