ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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