she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
