We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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