I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
