How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
