If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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