Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
