smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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