I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
