So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
