; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
