just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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