Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
are you so shy because you have an std?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
