she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize