Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
