Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize