Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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