wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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