I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
