This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
