I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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