I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
