Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
