Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
