I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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