so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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