when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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