another moral hangover. fuck.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
