Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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