Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
