forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize