Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
