I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
