Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
