Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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