The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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