maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
