Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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