Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
