***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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