i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
