i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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