At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
