I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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