you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
