paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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