I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
