We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
