I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I enjoy the company of your penis
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