honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
