the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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