Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
