Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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