ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
