You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
