Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
