she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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