Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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