P.S. I can't hear my feet
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
