I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
