Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
