Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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