U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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