How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
