I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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