you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want a musical about memes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
