I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
