It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
