i permit you to call me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
