K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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