Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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